Thursday, December 30, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
The Christmas Bomb
Whole sardines, lumpfish cabiar, crayfish, lax and the worst, Lutfisk. The fish has an eight-month journey before getting to my plate. This process includes being dried, soaked in lye, packed in salt and being buried underground for six months. The end product is a clear, jelly-like consistency fish with a pH value of 12.
Merry Christmas
Santa was good to me. I got everything I wanted and more. Today we get to talk to Caj in Argentina. It will be a good day.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Christmas Decortations
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Alyssa
I have this roommate. Her name is Alyssa. We are the bestest of friends. We met in August and thing went from there. We scheme and plot a lot. Once she stole my cellphone so I had a reason to go over to a certain apartment.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Megan's Boyfriend
Warren had a crush on an animated character—an animated toy character. In his defense, her freckles were pretty cute. But on that dank-basement, rainy afternoon, I refused to watch the movie a sixth time.
Warren scratched himself. “Umm! I can’t believe you won’t watch the movie!”
I tapped my pencil on the table, watching his spittle fleck her picture in his Trapper Keeper. “Wow. I can’t believe you’re a freshman. . . . No—I can believe it.”
“Wait, who’s a freshman,” Gary said as he walked into the rumpus room chomping on a carrot. “Gladiator anyone,” he held up a handful of DVDs. He sniffed. “Who killed Dean?”
“It’s Warren about his anime girl again.”
“The smell?”
“Did you know carrots are supposed to help your vision?” Gary said, giving that cross-eyed look that he used to defy his coke bottle glasses and stick it to the optometrist his mother had been dating.
“Is your mother still dating that obstetrician you got your glasses from? I haven’t seen Dean in days,” I said.
“Optometrist!” Gary said. “You two are a couple of jackwagons.”
“Opta-what?” I said. “what-jack?” Warren.
He dabbed at his beard. “Your mom’s hot. Do you think she’d maybe want to watch the movie?”
“Warren! Don’t make me get the umbrella.”
Warren glanced furtively at Gary. “How can you say that after what happened to Dean?” he whispered.
The couch cushion twitched, and Warren’s eyes got big, and Gary’s carrot fell out of his mouth and onto the couch. Out popped Dean.
“You dang skunk!”
And little Deans. All going for the carrot.
“Deanne?”
Warren tactfully set aside his girlfriend binder.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
The Great Ketchup Massacre
“We are sad to admit that we have run out of ketchup packets due to the massacre that occurred earlier and to the rumor that Chuck Norris was here, that is indeed false. Thank you and enjoy the rest of your time at BEE LINE BOWL.”
Thanks to that massacre, I’m stuck here and not there with Summer Summerhays. Yep. My life sucks.
BEE LINE BOWL is not the ideal summer job. The mix of three-day-old smoke, faded avocado green, paper-thin, capert, fake leather, sticky floors, harsh lighting and bad 80’s love ballads aren’t easy on the senses. Andy was off in Egypt, digging up mummies and mackin’ on hott foreign girls. James was offered an internship at the MoMA. Me, all I’ve got is the BEE LINE, cheap domestic beer and Summer. But I don’t have Summer yet. That’s in the works.
But this massacre is tramping my style. Literally. My white Vans now are stained a nice blood red.
Why today? Another day would have been fine. But today, Kid Rock is in town. I planned on skipping the fence to enjoy the sounds of “Mississippi, Jackson” fill the thick, sticky night air. With Summer in tow. Tonight was the night I was going to make the move. Our lips would intertwine and swap spit. But no, stuck here. Picking up hundreds of empty ketchup packets.
The kid wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“Do you have any ketchup bottles?”
“Nope, Buddy. Only the packets.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. That’s the way the boss man wants it.”
“Well. I don’t like ketchup in a packet. Mom says that it causes cancer.”
“Sorry to hear that. But that is all we have.”
“I will be back. And it won’t be pretty.”
Whatever. How much harm can a pretentious eight year old do?
Turns out a lot.
Here I’m, after hours and the soapy mop water resembles tomato soup. The boss man blamed this whole predicament on me. Threatened to fire me if the BEE LINE is not back into shape in time for the Bending Babes practice in the morning. Good thing I only have 5 hours left and there is no way that all the ketchup is going to be out from the nooks in the ceiling.
Tomorrow will bring a lost job and lost chances with a girl. But hey, at least I went out with a bang. Guess the Chuck Norris signature will fund the next week of beer.
Monday, December 13, 2010
End of semester
Its killing me. I'm surviving on roommate love and Diet Coke. Here is a sneak peak at my book. Look for more later this week.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
The Beetles
My middle name is Liverpool. So everyone expects that I love the Beetles. I guess that I do, just to keep everyone happy. But this poster by Maxim Dalton is pretty sweet.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
seasons
you can define the season
by the color of the leaves
by the holiday decorations
by the weather
by the drink of choice at starbucks
and by the color of nail polish on my toes
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
We need a little Christmas...
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
My life is full of incredible blessings and people. lucky to be alive.
Posted via SMS from Soy LJ...
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
You should be jealous
In celebration of Harry Pothead 7th movies (thats what we called it in our house) BYU played the theme song every hour instead of "Come, Come Ye Saints." Epic win.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
crazy
Sunday, November 14, 2010
giggles
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
man power
Today, Taralyn got a distress call. "QUICK! We are trying empty the Frosty machine at Wendy's. Bring man power."
Monday, November 8, 2010
perfect logic
Friday, November 5, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
my future.
Becca, Taralyn and I will spend our evenings swinging on the front porch, drinking tea and laughing at others. I like the way that sounds.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
student life
- Bought 5 gallons of Green Banana paint
- Painted a studio floor white
- Learned to spackle and paint
- Pushed a moving wall
- Feed a 1600 lb cow
- Ate massive amounts of Pringles from a trash bag
- Dressed up as a Rappin' Hamster for Halloween
- Talked to an Art Director at CPB
Monday, November 1, 2010
Kanye East endorses Tipping Bucket. You should too.
--
LJ Johansson
http://soylj.posterous.com/
Sunday, October 31, 2010
happy halloween
from Dorothy, Alice in Wonderland and Pocahontas.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
melting pumpkins
Saturday, October 23, 2010
despicable me
Aww man.. My catapillar never turned into a butterfly.
That's a cheeto.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
class
Monday, October 18, 2010
most frustrating critic
Sunday, October 17, 2010
mad men
Friday, October 15, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
New apartment rules
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
feedback
Monday, October 11, 2010
my life through texts
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Jackers
This is my little brother Jackson. He fell out of a tree. Isn't he the saddest kid you ever did see? According to him, "Its a very deep bone bruise." He is fine.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
success
The man behind Gatorade Replay, Brent Anderson came and talked to the BYU AdLab. Afterwards he did portfolio reviews. He told me that I'm a good writer.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
a vote please?
I like the use of Helvetica, but not feeling the small box.
What are your feeling?
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
stolen
I never get to see the kids playing in the evening because I am working the 11pm Newscast. Apparently I am missing quite a bit of fun. This is what I saw laying on the front lawn next to the sidewalk this morning.
It’s a pair of roller blades, a superhero cape and a stuff to make a ramp.
Dad misses another seemingly epic evening
As mentioned before, because I work the night shift I miss playing with the kids in the evening. Once again, judging by the artifacts left overnight on the lawn, I missed a great time. Here’s what I found this morning scattered across the front yard this morning when I went out to purchase a diet Cola Beverage at 7-11.
Monday, October 4, 2010
quotes
the mecca.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
day one and two.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
the usual
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
moab
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
dear creative writers...
Monday, September 13, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
a look into my future
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Detroit Lives
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
stud.
Monday, September 6, 2010
So true
socially acceptable
I'm glad that I go to school in place where its socially acceptable to place a large game of twister in public places and its ok run around Campus Plaza in my most ghettorific outfit on a Sunday night.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
rockstar
Saturday, September 4, 2010
the hookup
thanks to the an AdLab client, I got awesome football season tickets. Check out the BYU Touchdown Club ahora.
Friday, September 3, 2010
old spice secret
I now know the secret of the jeans at the end of this spot. And no. I will not share.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
FEC
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
airport thoughts otra vez
2. I wish that the McDonald's in the airport had $1 Diet Cokes
3. You shouldn't try to check your email while you are eating fries
4. The security guy: "How fast do you get going on your longboard?"
Me: "Pretty Fast"
The security guy; "You must be a BA."
5. Texting makes waiting go by so much faster.6. Next time I'm in the airport I'll be on my way to NYC
7. Beyond stoked to get back to school and start flirting with the new awkward RMs
8. I have to have a legit portfolio ready to show by next Thursdays. The creator of the Old Spice "Smell like your Man" is coming to the AdLab. Get excited.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
wheels
Saturday, August 21, 2010
tim toone
I called my Dad. And had this conversation.
you should write that down
No Head Table. I don't want people watching me as I eat.
No first dance. Awkward.
Yes to having a Caller and some good old-fashion square dancing.
Yes to cookies. Philly Style.
No to a veil.
Yes to a photo booth.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
stud
This is my little brother Caj. He is a stud. Currently he leads his district for the most soccer goals. 6. Currently he is serving a mission in Argentina Bahia Blanca. and i am a loser and is mean to jackson
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
this one time....
Monday, August 16, 2010
copy for sale
Made courtesy of a Civil War printing press of Don Kilpatrick. Illustrator of "You Can't go to School Naked"
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
eery and beautiful
I'm headed home. To Detroit.
things I've learned this semester
Thursday, August 12, 2010
short
I maybe the oldest in my family, but at 5'10 I'm the shortest. Even my fourteen year old sister bets me out.
